Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Lemi

Did you ever wonder what happened to the guy that designed so many of Fela's iconic album covers?


Lemi Ghariokwu is alive and well and looking astonishingly younger than his years. Click here for his myspace (which includes the piece above).

Lemi will be designing the cover for the African edition of This Bitch of a Life (Cassava Republic Press, out next year).


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Quintessence, last night













Doreen Baingana, Toyin Akinoso and Toni Kan face the audience at Quintessence last night. The theme in this East-meets-West dialogue was love and desire. The discussion was wide-ranging, from the bawdiness of local languages vs the conservatism (thus far) of much African writing in English (what would happen if there were more 'translation' into English?); Toni Kan’s mother-son portrayals; whether there is any moral aspect to the two writers’ sex scenes; the question of Africans writing for Africans not Europeans; women as the-chasers and the idea of writing sexual desire for desire’s sake (not for love, nor marriage, nor babies). A thoroughly nourishing evening and perhaps the most interesting exchange between two African writers on the planet yesterday. Pix are here (Abuja and Lagos events).

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Lagos..

















You know you'd be surprised what you can buy in Lagos these days. Pretty much anything you can buy in the West you can buy in the City of Sin/House of wisdom.

(snapped near Awolowo Way, Ikeja today).

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Monday, September 28, 2009

Doreen Baingana in Abuja today..




















A warm and lovely book reading this evening at the Shehu Musa Yar'Adua centre with Doreen Baingana, author of the magical girls-coming-of-age novel Tropical Fish. Click here to read an account of how it went and here to see more photos. Doreen is at Quintessence in Lagos tomorrow at 4pm - don't be late..

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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Toyin Akinosho on Cassava Republic















Nigeria's foremost literary critic saying nice things about CRP in last Sunday's Artsville column in the Guardian. Its good to get affirmation, though the road ahead is long and bound to include steep hills as well as the occasional beautiful vista. Taken from Cassava Republic's blog.

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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Qom on Google Earth















Its fascinating to discover how transparently mappable the world is becoming. Ogle Earth tracks how Google Earth is affecting geopolitics. This Ogle Earth page (download the .kmz file location) shows you exactly where the tunnels into the mountains near Qom are. Amazing stuff..

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Doreen Baingana in Abuja this Monday..

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Friday, September 25, 2009

Light Up Nigeria in the Booj next Wed

On the eve of Nigeria's 49th Independence Anniversary, Young Nigerians Gather at Play in Abuja to raise awareness about the need to improve our electric power sector.
Attire: BLACK!
Host:
Type:

Date:
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Time:
7:00pm - 10:00pm
Location:
Play Sports Bar and Grill
Street:
Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent
City/Town:
Abuja, Nigeria
Email:

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Good military 419

I like the research that went into this one. But when o when are they going to learn not to use Yahoo addresses? At the least it could be gmail..


Dear Sir/Madam,



My name is Lt. Col. Jim Bradford, commander of the 1st Battalion 63rd Armor Regiment here in Basra, Iraq

I have a very desperate need for Assistance and have summed up courage to contact you.

I found your contact particulars in an address journal and I am seeking your kind Assistance to move the sum of Twenty Million United States dollars (USD$20,000,000) to

you in your country, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care Until i complete my service here.

Source of money: (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm) some money in various currencies were discovered in barrels at a Farm House near one of saddam

old palace in Tikrit-Iraq during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by Lieutenant General William B. Caldwell IV and I that some part of this money be shared between

both of us before informing anybody about it since both of us saw the money first.

This was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what! no compensation can make up for the risk we have taken with our lives in this hell-hole, of which my brother in-law

was killed by a road side bomb last time.

The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me but with the help of a British contact working here and with his

office enjoying some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe location with a Security Company and was declared as a military equipment.

He does not know the real contents of the package, and believes that it belongs to a British American medical doctor who died in a raid here in Iraq, And before he died,

trusted me to hand over the package to his family in country.

I have now found a very secured way of getting the package out of Iraq to you at home for you to pick up either via bank to bank transfer or through diplomatic delivery. I will

discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me and that my money will be well secured in your hand.

I want you to tell me how many percentage you want from this money for the assistance you will give to me. One Passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this

matter with anybody. Should you have reasons to reject this offer, please and please destroy this message as any leakage of this information will be too bad for the U. S.

soldiers here in Iraq.

I do not know how long we will remain here; month of May was the deadliest month for us out Here. totally, we lost 127 men and i have been shot, wounded and survived two

suicide Bomb attacks by the special grace of God.


This and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for your immediate assistance.



May God bless you and your family.



Regards,

From: Lt. Col. Jim Bradford

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Awolowo Book launch - Oct 6 at SOAS (click to enlarge)

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Hobbit 419 - love it

Could this be a whole new genre - 419 stories in other genres. Just imagine - magical realism 419, historical romance 419, futural sci-fi 419, lesbian erotica 419.. The world opens up and expands, like some huge stamen thingy..


Our very own Adaobi Nwaubani has a brilliantly funny take on 419 in her debut novel I Do Not Come to you by Chance which is out in November (Cassava Republic).

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Kwani writing comp

The excellent and ever effervescent Kwani posse, our publishing brothers and sisters out East, have had a fabulous idea - a pan African writing competition. Click to enlarge and read. Go forth and submit, dear readers!

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Duro Ikujenyo at Salamander Cafe..






















Click to enlarge/read/print..

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Research assistants needed for CBN study

Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Organisation: A consulting firm of economists and financial analysts providing strategic information and solutions to businesses, governments and economic institutions.

Job Description/Job Role:

TWO Research Assistants that will work with a team leader on an eight month project involving a comprehensive study of CBN's internal structures and performance in the past fifty years.

Person Specifications:
Interested candidates must (a) possess a Master degree in either Economics or Finance (b) have made a grade not lower than second class upper in his/her first degree (c) have conducted his/her dissertation in an area related to either Money or Banking/Finance with an 'A' grade.

Application Instructions:
Please send your current two page CV, a copy of a piece of relevant written work (ideally less than 2,000 words), plus a covering letter. This covering letter should, in 2 pages or less, indicate how you meet the requirements set out in the job description and person specification.

Send applications by e-mail ONLY to: abiolasanusi@randaedu.com, marked "Application: Research Assistant"

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Nigeria's Oil Mess

Will Connors in the WSJ.

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Vision 2020 dreams and realities

If Nigeria's Vision 2020 included a top 20 place in the all-important indicator of GDP per capita rankings (all important from the perspective of the citizen, rather than the state), a 2008 baseline would give the following initial rankings:

  • IMF: 127
  • World Bank: 120
  • CIA Factbook: 135
In fact, Vision 2020 has a GDP per capita target of 'not less than US$4000'. Altogether a more modest and perhaps realistic goal.

Expressed as a ranking for 2008, this GDP per capita target would place Nigeria as follows:
  • IMF: 94
  • World Bank: 85
  • CIA Factbook: 103
The trouble is, apart from the obvious issue of 11 years of inflation reducing the value of US$4000 in today's terms, by 2020, many of those countries with higher than US$4000 average annual income at present will have experienced disaggregated growth, as will those countries whose citizens earn more than US$1500 per year (the approx figure for Nigeria today). With 4.5 million entrants onto the job market each year and a rapidly rising population (projected to be 300 million by 2050), its difficult to see how the Vision 2020 per capita income goals could therefore be achieved, even given that they are a modest target. All of which is to say, by 2020, the majority of Nigerians will likely remain as poor as they are today.

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Monday, September 21, 2009

Toni Kan in conversation with Doreen Baingana





















East meets West. Click to enlarge/print. Register for the event on facebook here.

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Memories from a past life...

The academic that was and that might be again one day..

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Allah Made Us book presentation

The Centre for Democracy and Development Wishes to Invite you to the Presentation of a book titled: Allah Made Us: Sexual Outlaws in an Islamic African City
by Rudolf Gaudio Associate Professor of Anthropology at SUNY, Purchase College.


Friday Sep 25th, 10am - noon, Denis Hotel.

In Hausaland, Sharia (Islamic Law), requires strict separation of the sexes and different rules of behavior for women and men in virtually every facet of life.

Allah Made Us: Sexual Outlaws in and Islamic African City” is about men who break those rules. Based on extensive ethnographic fieldwork in the ancient Islamic city-state of Kano, Allah Made Us analyses the social experiences and expressive culture of the ‘yan daudu (feminine men) in relation to local, national and global debates over gender and sexuality at the turn of the twenty-first century. Rudolf Gaudio explores how yan daudu use language, their bodies and other media (including food, clothing, and video) to play with what it means to be a male and a female.

In this innovative text, cultural anthropologist and linguist Rudolf Gaudio offers not only a rich and highly engrossing ethnographic account of these sexual outlaws, but also provides those readers with litter background in linguistic anthropology, cultural anthropology, and queer studies a primer to key concepts by presenting a range of sophisticated ideas in an accessible manner.

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

Fela musical comes to Broadway


Last August we were invited to see the off-Broadway production of Fela, The Musical. It was a wonderful evening and an excellent production choreographed by Bill T Jones. The wonderful news is that the play is being re-launched on Broadway, thanks to funding from Will Smith and Jay-Z. The musical will launch at the EUGENE O'NEILL theatre on NOVEMBER 23rd.

Cassava Republic will be bringing out a special book on Fela early next year. You heard it here first..

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Friday, September 18, 2009

CORA’s Sallah Day Book Party

Will take place at the lagoon-front garden of the Goethe Institut at 2pm on Sunday, September 20, 2009.

The party is in honour of the nine poets shortlisted for the NLNG award who will be in attendance. It’s an afternoon of poetry reading with suya, drinks and music.

The choice of a Book Party is to generate public interest in an otherwise purely intellectual event, while drawing attention to the nominated works which have registered their significance in the emerging body of literature of Nigeria. The event will feature short reviews of each work, interspersed with performances, readings, photo-ops and writer-audience interactions.

The interactive sessions will allow the public to engage the writers at several levels – from the elevated, such as gaining a peep into motive and motivations of the poets, to the mundane, such as finding out any plans for the prize money. Performances will involve participation of a number of distinguished artists located in the city.

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Nigerian Eagle Airlines


I can't help feeling that there was some very poor branding thinking going into the decision to change Virgin Nigeria's name to Nigerian Eagle Airlines in advance of the Branson pull-out. Its eight syllables long for one thing. Airlines are better named with short two syllable names - Aero, Dana, Arik all pass the simple to remember, simple to say test. A much better idea would have been simply to call it Eagle Air. Everyone would have got the reference to the Nigerian Eagle association. Eagle Air has a much better ring to it than Nigerian Eagle Airlines, don't you think? I guess they put "Nigerian" in to assume the role of "national carrier". But isn't that an outdated concept these days?


So who do I write the invoice to?

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Timipre Sylva's crib - Gloryland Castle

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Timilehin, superstar


Big up to my nephew Timilehin, star of the new Zain ads..

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Mothers in despair - the female prison

Photo documentary on women in Brazilian prisons, by Luiz Santos here.

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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Same gender marriage in Igboland

Interesting article on pre-colonial traditions of same-sex marriage amongst the Igbos here. Can anyone recognise the lady on the right with the yellow gele?

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Africa News Network

An attempt to rival CNN online for Africa here.

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Pan African Space Station...

...a 30-day music intervention from September 12 - October 12, on radio and the internet,
 as well as venues across greater Cape Town. Here.

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Black Public Media

Good set of docu films and shorts to watch here. Check this 3D animation on Osun and Ogun for example.

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Monday, September 07, 2009

2009 CASA AFRICA Essay Prizes

Casa África announces the 2009 CASA ÁFRICA Prizes for essays on African topics, whose aim is to recognize, encourage and disseminate original and unpublished essays which enhance knowledge about Hispano-African relations with respect to the two contexts or issues indicated in rule number 4: Economic Relations between Sub-Saharan Africa and Spain, and Democratic Consolidation in Sub-Saharan Africa.

The Jury will evaluate the quality and current relevance of the papers as well as their contribution towards improving knowledge of each of these subject matters.

Competition Rules

One
All natural persons who are citizens of any EU country and/or any African country are eligible for either of the prizes. However, in no case may same maintain a working and/or professional relationship with Casa África, nor with any of its associated institutions (Spanish Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Cooperation, Spanish Agency for International Development Cooperation, Canary Islands Government, Councils of Gran Canaria, Tenerife, Lanzarote and Fuerteventura, and Municipal Council of Las Palmas de Gran Canaria).

Two
Each essay shall be signed with the author’s name and surnames, address, contact telephone and photocopy of National Identity Document or Passport. If signed with a pseudonym a separate closed envelope must be supplied, containing the author’s name and surnames and the aforementioned information. That envelope will only be opened if the corresponding original wins a prize.
Applicants are required to provide that information in a form which can be downloaded from the Casa África website. Said form may also be submitted by fax, email or normal mail along with the essay or, if a pseudonym is used, in an accompanying closed envelope.

Three
1.
The essay must count no less than 15,000 words and no more than 20,000. It can therefore be no less than 40 or more than 50 pages long, typed double-space in Word Arial 12 format on only one side of size DINA 4 paper, and must indicate which of the two prize options it is a candidate for.

2.
The application form and four copies of the essay must be sent before 31 October 2009 to Casa África, Calle Alfonso XIII, no. 5 – C.P. 35003 – Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, SPAIN. The envelope should bear the reference indication “2009 CASA AFRICA PRIZE”. They may also be submitted by email to the address premio@casafrica.es <mailto:premio@casafrica.es> .

3.
The applicant authorizes and cedes all his/her rights to Casa África so that the latter may produce a first edition of up to 1,000 copies of the prize-winning papers and enable free access to same by means of the Casa África website. The prize-winners will under no circumstance receive any additional amount per this first edition besides that of the prize itself.

Four
Content:
1.
Casa África Prize for selected essay on economic relations between Sub-Saharan Africa and Spain.
Given the broad scope of this topic a number of concepts of special interest are suggested:
§
Impact of the economic crisis in Sub-Saharan Africa
§
Remittances and economic development in Sub-Saharan Africa
§
Promotion of investment and commercial relations between Spain and Sub-Saharan Africa
§
Economic Association Agreements between the EU and Sub-Saharan Africa
§
Business cooperation and economic growth
§
Analysis of means to internationalize Spanish enterprise in Sub-Saharan Africa

2.
Casa África Prize for selected essay on democratic consolidation in Sub-Saharan Africa.
A number of possible contexts to develop this topic are likewise suggested:
§
Governability
§
Strengthening public institutions
§
Democratic participation and civil society
§
Weak states or situations of weakness
§
Constitutionalism processes in Africa
§
Democracy in Africa after five decades of independence
§
The role of the AU and regional initiatives on governance in Africa
§
European influence in progress toward democracy: support or interference

Five
1.
Each of the selected works shall be awarded a prize of 4,000 euros; the jury will make its decision unanimously or otherwise by majority vote. Should any of the prize-winners be African nationals, the prize will be subject to withholding and taxes as stipulated by Spanish law.

2.
The jury is comprised of reputed African and Spanish experts. Its composition will not be made public until after the prizes are announced. The decision shall be approved by majority and ratified by the Casa África Delegate Committee. Said ruling shall be final and the jury may declare one or both prizes to be void.

3.
The jury shall submit its proposal to Casa África before 20 December 2009 and Casa África shall publicly announce the prize decisions before 15 January 2010.

Six
The author who submits his/her essay within the established deadline pledges not to withdraw the original before Casa África makes the jury decision public.

Seven
The papers which do not receive prizes may be collected at Casa África during the two months following announcement of the final decision. After that time the papers which have not been so returned may be destroyed.

Eight
Submission of the application form for the prizes implies acceptance of the rules contained in this announcement, as well as acceptance of the Casa África decisions with respect to same, which shall be final. The required application form must be submitted in order for the essay to be evaluated. To access and download said document, please go to www.casafrica.es

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Word into Art into Africa

WIAIA COMES TO LAGOS
CALL FOR APPLICATIONS

DEADLINE: 20 SEPTEMBER 2009


From 27 October to 4 November 2009, SPARCK will host the first WiAiA: an international workshop dedicated to innovative writing and publishing about contemporary creation in the African world.

WiAiA stands for Word into Art into Africa. It is one of several SPARCK projects. SPARCK – Space for Pan-African Research, Creation and Knowledge – is a multi-sited, multi-disciplinary and network-driven programme of arts and literature residencies, workshops, performances, exhibitions and publications centred on emergent and cutting-edge creativity across the African world - both on the continent and in the Diaspora. It is a programme of the Africa Centre, a South African non-profit organisation, focused on contemporary artistic practice.

WiAiA is designed to address the need, and to respond to active calls from arts practitioners with whom SPARCK collaborates, for (more) creative and (more) ethically engaged writing about the production of contemporary art in the African world – writing that addresses in original ways intersections between the arts and social, political and economic concerns in a globalised world.

The goal of these workshops is to provide a platform for fostering such writing and to assist in developing a strong readership for it. In the middle and longer term, WiAiA’s aim is to connect, grow and sustain a community of young writers who will shape, share and propel the engaged discourse of the workshops as part of an ongoing online publication project.
The Lagos workshop is the first in a series of three intimate and highly focused writers’ workshops, which will be staged in 2009-2010 in three cities: Lagos, Dakar and Kinshasa.
Each workshop will take the form of a master class and revolve around a particular art form. Each will take place in parallel with an emergent festival or exhibition WiAiA Lagos will focus on writing about contemporary dance and related performance genres (experimental circus; martial and trance arts; social dancing with historical roots in community activism). WiAiA Dakar will address writing on experimental video and WiAiA Kinshasa will centre on writing about installation art and network thinking.
FACILITATORS

Each class will be facilitated by a team of two practitioners: an established writer and an artist, each of whose work highlights intersections between creative processes and political and ethical engagement. WiAiA Lagos will occur in tandem with Ewa BamiJo, an innovative festival of contemporary dance and performance founded by the much-heralded Nigerian choreographer and dancer Qudus Onikeku. The workshop will be facilitated by Onikeku and award-winning London-based writer and blogger Sokari Ekine.

PARTICIPANTS

Participants in each of the three workshops will be confirmed, full-time writers. While an interest on their part in art as a subject will naturally be relevant, it is not expected that the participants will be art critics. A key focus, in all three workshops, is to encourage thinking out of the box: reflection that questions and challenges disciplinary boundaries. Participants as well as facilitators will accordingly hail from a range of fields. They will be journalists, essayists, poets, novelists and short story writers, bloggers and/or spoken word artists.

SPARCK has established and is further growing plans with several culture-focused websites in Africa, Europe and North America to publish on a regular basis for a period of two years short pieces by WiAiA writers on contemporary creation in the African world. Participation in WiAiA Lagos will accordingly not be a one-time short-term venture. It will involve serious, sustained writing both during the workshop itself and following the workshop. Participants actively engaged in the process can expect to be published in highly visible online fora read across the African world.

Applications to participate in WiAiA Lagos are sought from published writers as well as writers aspiring to be published. Particular consideration will be given to applicants who have a demonstrated interest in developing original approaches to writing about contemporary culture and creativity as they relate to globally driven social, economic and political phenomena and for whom writing is an integral part of a larger, ethically engaged and forward-thinking vision of life in a global world.
Participants shall be selected from an open call for submissions. The number of participants will be kept small (4-5 participants per workshop) to ensure that the experience is direct and intense and that it requires of all involved a highly personal investment.

All participants will be persons (hailing) from and/or based in West Africa, typically (though not exclusively) in Nigeria. Travel assistance may be provided for participants living outside Lagos.

PROGRAMME

Workshop participants will attend the entirety of the Ewa BamiJo festival (27-31 October 2009). The workshop proper will begin immediately following the festival, on 1 November 2009, and will last 4 days, ending on 4 November 2009. Participation throughout both the festival and the workshop proper will be full-time and will involve daily evening events and writing projects.

The language of the Lagos workshop will be English.

Accommodation, meals during the workshop and transportation to and from all events associated with the workshop will be provided.
HOW TO APPLY
Persons interested in participating in the workshop are invited to apply with the following materials:

• Detailed CV

• Letter stating why WiAiA is of interest to the applicant

• Submission of at least two (but no more than 5) writing samples:

- 1 manuscript of no less than 10 pages single spaced, published or in progress:

= a collection of 10 (or more) poems
= or 1 chapter (or more) of a novel
= or 1 short story
= or 1 essay
= or 1 article
= or 1 play
= or a combination of the above

AND

- 1 text developed for the present workshop submission, of no fewer than 5 pages single spaced: an essay, article, short story, poem or related form that addresses/points to questions relating to contemporary art/creativity.


The deadline for submissions from writers interested in participating in WiAiA Lagos is September 20, 2009. Applications will be screened by the WiAiA Lagos facilitators and the SPARCK team. The names of selected candidates will be announced on 10 October 2009. Nomination will be by majority vote.

Applications should be sent by email no later than midnight on September 20, 2009 to the following email address:

WiAiA.Lagos@gmail.com

Queries are welcome at the above-cited address.

For more information on SPARCK, the Africa Centre and Ewa BamiJo, see:
SPARCK – Space for Pan-African Research, Creation and Knowledge on Facebook
http://africacentre.net
http://www.ewabamijo.com

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Sunday, September 06, 2009

Coming up at CCA


Click the image to enlarge/read.

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Saturday, September 05, 2009

That Sony PS3 419 ad - if you haven't seen it yet..



This is what the Minister of Information has to say:

MALICIOUS ADVERTISEMENT AGAINST THE GOVERNMENT AND PEOPLE OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA BY SONY COROPORATION

The attention of the Federal Government of Nigeria has been drawn to an advertisement by Sony Corporation on the internet which from all indications is designed to portray Nigeria in bad light in an effort for Sony to market her products.

1. The advert in question currently circulating on youtube.com and facebook.com and other international websites creates the impression that Nigerians hardly do genuine business. This insinuation is in bad faith and unacceptable.

2. The Government and the good people of Nigeria reject this unwarranted attack on the reputation and image of the country. The government sees this as an attempt by Sony Corporation to undermine Nigeria’s business interest around the world.

3. It is on record that Sony Corporation has operated in Nigeria since the country’s independence and has enjoyed tremendous patronage from Nigerians at home and abroad. Over these years, there is no established record that the company has recorded any major incidence of scam or fraud by Nigerians that warrants its deliberate campaign against the country’s image.

4. While Nigeria accepts or concedes that there are few criminal minded people within her population just like any other country including Japan the home country of Sony Corporation. The Federal Government of Nigeria has as a matter of policy put in place institutions and mechanisms to rid the country of any form of fraudulent practices. Nigeria therefore does not see the basis to single out the country as an example in that infamous advertisement.

5. In the light of the above, the Federal Government of Nigeria requests Sony Corporation to immediately withdraw that advertisement from circulation.

6. Nigeria also demands an unconditional apology from Sony Corporation for this deliberate negative campaign against the country’s image and reputation. The apology must be given the same measure of publicity by Sony Corporation in all channels where the unfortunate adverts were aired.

7. The Federal Government of Nigeria wishes to assure all genuine investors around the world that Nigeria remains a major investment destination and a country where most businesses thrives in trust, good faith, competition, competence and integrity.

PROF. DORA AKUNYILI
HON. MINISTER, INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATIONS
4TH SEPTEMBER, 2009

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Friday, September 04, 2009

Big mango in hand

Olly brought a big mango from Wuse market today. It was the same size as his head. He made a desert with it, with water melon and coconut strips. It gave the ensemble a tart undertone. Big things cannot be sweet, can they?

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Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Habib - Sweetie

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Tuesday, September 01, 2009

When Ishmael met Papa..

Early last week, our driver Ishmael told us his mother had died and requested to take leave to attend her funeral. He was given permission and promptly departed. Yesterday, we heard through the help-vine that Ishmael was back in town. Sister Y called him to find out how far. Although I prefer to drive myself and have issues with drivers that cannot remember where they went yesterday or, once reminded, how to get there again, I had an interest in seeing Ishmael – one of the tyres on my car had gone flat. The idea of fixing it myself did not thrill.

And so yesterday afternoon Ishmael found himself in our living room being interrogated by Sister Y. Her courtroom tactics proved effective, as his dead-mom alibi soon started to crumble. Papa, one of the security guards, was brought in as witness number one to unearth the real story. Bored of the banter, I left the living room to continue working, only to be alerted back a few minutes later by aggressive shouting and the staccato impact of fist on face meat. Papa and Ishmael had come to blows. Once separated, the bizarre truth then started to leak out.

It turned out that Ishmael had faked his mother’s death in the first place to get sympathy money from us, as well as time off. Papa had agreed to go along with the story and provide cover should it be needed, gaining a cut of our sympathy money as his side of the deal. Papa had his own interests in play – he needed to go to his village for a relative’s funeral (whether a real or fake death, we don’t know). Ishmael, on the other hand, wanted the time off and the money to visit a juju-man. Specifically, Ishmael wanted to have the ability to appear and disappear at will, so that he could be an effective robber and sprite in the night. Papa had apparently recommended a juju-man from his village who, for a mere N20k, could bestow such gifts. The arrangement was that Tweedledum and Tweedledee would visit Papa’s village together – Papa for the real/fake funeral, and Ishmael to obtain the requisite magical powers.

Separated, Ishmael and Papa stood facing each other in our living room, as the Nollywood saga spewed its truth all over our Turkish rugs. Sister Y commandeered Ishmael’s phone to source for elements of corroboration in the story. She called one number, stored as ‘mummy’ in his address book. It turned out to be Ishmael’s wife. She called another number, with ‘mummy x’ as the associated name. Ishmael volunteered that it was his girlfriend. She then discovered his father’s number, and after some back and forth, found out that Ishmael’s mother had in fact died several years ago. By this time, Ishmael’s eyes had become bloodshot, and an air of defeat hung heavy about him. The curse of stupidity (see an earlier post) had done battle with an innate sense of superiority and won.

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I am rich




















I woke up this morning to find that Shell has given me US$1,500,000. I am so happy. I have not noticed yet that the email was to 'undisclosed recipients' and the senders email address is: chinajy@vip.sohu.net

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