Thursday, September 13, 2007

Tender for the FIFA U-17 trophy upgrade - please circulate

Call for Submission of Bids: Upgrade/Renovation of FIFA U-17 World Cup Trophy

Our Client is the parastatal in charge of the round-leather game in Nigeria, under the supervising influence of the National Sports Commission. Arising from the recent win of the Under-17 World Cup by Nigeria for a historic 3rd time, our client observed with dismay the disgraceful and dilapidated state of the trophy, and the fact that it does not currently befit the status of Nigeria as a giant of Africa, and 3-time winner of the Trophy. Our client is therefore desirous of renovating/upgrading the esteemed Cup, in line with the rule of law(making).

SCOPE OF WORK

Major Work:
· Re-electroplating of entire trophy with 44-carat gold.
· Replacement of Map of Africa on the trophy to reflect the emerging United States of Africa.
· Enlargement of the map of Nigeria within the map of Africa, to reflect historic, groundbreaking, 3-time win.
· Installation of Nigerian coat of arms on the base of the trophy.
· Procurement of bullet-proof vest for the Trophy.
· Production of U-17 soccer world Cup history manual in all the two-hundred-and-fifty languages of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, to accompany the Trophy.
· Provision of supporting stand for Trophy to allow for easy movement on National occasions.
· Provision of satellite tracking device to be embedded in Trophy to discourage kidnap by militants.

Supporting Work:
· Drafting and express delivery of complaint letter to FIFA on the poor maintenance of the Trophy by Mexico, the 2005 winners.
· Construction of befitting, airconditioned, bullet-proof glass display case for the Trophy.
· Construction of state-of-the-art display hall for the display case. (The Hall shall be known as the Patricia Etteh Under-17 International Trophy Display Hall.
· Provision of CCTV cameras, and satellite security equipment for the Hall.
· Provision of bullion vans, and power-bikes to form a secure convoy for the conveyance of the Trophy on nationwide tours.

QUALIFYING COMPANIES:
In responding, qualifying firms should send the following documents and details:

· Company profile, including names and contact details of directors. (At least one Senator, Minister or Member of House of Reps of the Federal Republic of Nigeria must be on the company board)
· Company UNAUDITED financial report for the past two weeks.
· A 100-word (max) proposal in any Nigerian language.
· Certificates of Tax-Evasion for the past twelve years.
· Evidence of previously attempted renovation and/or upgrade projects. (Such projects preferably carried out on brand new buildings, cars and infrastructure).

Caveat: RIDICULOUSLY AND EMBARASSINGLY LOW BIDS WILL BE REJECTED, AND OFFENDERS WILL BE SENT TO THE ICPC FOR PROSECUTION, AS WELL AS BE ASKED TO FACE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY JOINT COMMITTEE ON RENOVATION AND UPGRADING MATTERS.

All proposals should be addressed to:

U-17 FIFA World Cup Trophy Renovation/Upgrade Coordinator,
White Elephant Consulting,
628, Patricia Etteh Crescent,
Asokoro, Abuja,
Nigeria.
Email: under17trophy@whiteelephantconsult.com

on or before the 31st of October, 2007.

The sum of 500,000 naira only, enclosed in a suitably labelled ghana-must-go, should accompany the submission as bid fee. Proposals unaccompanied by a bid fee will be forwarded to the Undue Process Unit for blacklisting from future government patronage.


(c) Tolu Ogunlesi, September 2007

2 comments:

Anonymous,  11:47 am  

Tolu Ogunlesi is witty!

mypenmypaper 3:42 pm  

kindly note, this Trophy is to be gold plated in the National Colors, Gree, White and Green.

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