Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Abuja stories

Pastor Christ (Christ Embassy) is in town. Eagle Sq, the military parade ground, is bedecked with plastic chairs as far as the eye can see with a video screen by the stage. I've spent many puzzled hours watching him strut his stuff on tv. You know the rest of what I'm about to say: it goes in one ear and out the other - i just don't get non-linear sermons. Still, he conks his hair back and wears flashy suits. Perhaps that's the appeal. I'm told he's not a prosperity-doctrine illusionist, so that counts for something.

Meanwhile, I got stopped cheating a red light this morning by a late middle-aged policeman with a big stick near Nicon (it doesnt sound right calling it Transcorp somehow). "Pak well Pak well" he barked. Oh dear, I thought.

"Oga. Sorry o. My sister in law is very sick. I have to take her to hospital quick-quick." My assistant feigns serious illness on cue.
"Oga. Please forgive me. I'm desperate to get her to see a doctor."
His stern expression softens.
"Its ok. I forgive you for the offence. But what do you have for me?"
"Haba oga, I have no money." Jeremy pauses to come up with a plan.
"However, I have plenty bananas. Please, abeg. Take two." I hand him two bananas. He bursts out laughing.
"Oya go."

That's what I love about Nigeria - a polite conversation can go a long way. Try flattering a UK copper and see where it'll get you..

8 comments:

disgodkidd 4:32 pm  

hmmm...i stumbled on your site from ore's...d first thing that caught my eye was pastor chris...he's my father...no silly...my faher in christ...so am sticking up for me...and not just bcos am on his payroll...sure he struts his stuff...flaunt it if you got it, remember?...and when you backed by such royalty as "the man upstairs" you've got plenty to flaunt...so take some time to actually listen to the guy...witout your critical cap on...by the way hows abj? i can't believe its been a year since i left the town...my piece is said..don't forget to stop over at the eagle square...whether you dig him or diss him, we're still on a roll...and the one audience that counts(HEAVEN)is doing a standing ovation...

Nkem 4:32 pm  

Shame on you Jeremy - for running the red light, and for attempting to bribe a poor old copper. He should have taken the bananas.

Anonymous,  4:51 pm  

jeremy, i can't believe you are still jumping red lights after all this years.

sandwitch,  5:51 pm  

"flaunt it if you got it, remember?...and when you backed by such royalty as 'the man upstairs' you've got plenty to flaunt"

I've never heard such nonsense in my life. Man upstairs ko, standing ovation ni.

Why do people believe this crap?

MsMak,  7:45 pm  

"Settling" oga policeman with bananas? Hilarious! Your assistant deserves props for quick thinking and her acting skills...

Shango,  9:11 pm  

That's what I love about Nigeria - a polite conversation can go a long way. Try flattering a UK copper and see where it'll get you..

No, that's precisely why you should HATE Nigeria. The law should not be decided by the whims and caprices of some middle-aged policeman.

Dotun 12:28 pm  

when are we going to have a traffic light camera in naija.........sorry if we have one, i bet it will be vandalised by the people whon puts it there......the police and the politicians

TRAE 3:57 am  

real funny episode, made me smile...but on the real like Shango said

"No, that's precisely why you should HATE Nigeria. The law should not be decided
by the whims and caprices of some middle-aged policeman."

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