Thursday, December 01, 2005

More on gay life in Nigeria

The Victorian hypocrisy of attitudes towards homosexuality in Nigeria is epic in its tragicomic proportions. From what I have seen and heard, the categories of straight/bi/gay just dont fit the fluidities of Nigerian sexual experience - just as they dont fit many other cultures and times in history (such as pre-Victorian England). Of course, evangelical christianity and stern interpretations of Islam clamp down on this experience being verbalised or part of everyday discourse. It's good with events such as the link below, the lid is being lifted on superabundant reality, and the yawning Nigerian reality-illusion gap is one inch nearer towards being closed.

The reality-illusion gap has a very particular sexual dimension here. I am reminded of going to various Lagos clubs, and seeing people who are (with a Westernised gaydar) obviously queer. And yet, the Nigerians we go with assume that a woman delicately pinching another woman's nipple is them 'just being friends'. Which raises an interesting topic: in an overtly homophobic culture like Nigeria, being gay is so taboo that one can be gay (hold hands, fondle) and no one will notice or bat an eyelid. Of course, many gay men in Nigeria (much more gay than bi, if we have to use the western categories) are married with kids, wife will never know etc. Perhaps the same goes for Nigerian lesbians. As with all struggles against prejudice, challenging homophobia in Nigeria is going to take time, especially with so much bigotry circulating in the mushroom churches.

51 comments:

afrofunkycool 1:12 pm  

If you read Adewale maja pearce's book In my fathers country there is a hilarious experience when the author realises his fellow passenger the alhaji was interested in him . Also in the Large cities in the north transvestites are common.Dan daoudu i believe they are called.

In pre colonial Nigeria the royal court of the Alaafin of Oyo had enuchs and male transvestites. Sango the Yoruba King of Oyo had feminine characteristics including wearing ear rings and plaiting his hair. Contrary to our post colonial indoctrination Africans have known same sex relationships in most societies. One of the queens of benin was known historically to be a lesbian. In Nigeria we have even had a military head of state who has been accused of running a homosexualy oriented goverment and whose high pitched voice and soft features suggest at least bisexuality given his marriage and children.
Our problem stems from our parochial views which are conditioned by our colonial heritage to be unthinking acceptance of dogma.

Homosexuality has now been found amongst animals like higher ranked lions and for that matter bonobo monkeys.
Maybe we should open our eyes more!

sokari 2:44 am  

What! are you saying that a woman pinching another woman’s nipples is a sign she is a lesbiannnn! Seriously one has to be careful about identifying people as being queer in non-western cultures eg in some parts of the world it is quite natural for men to walk hand in hand which does not necessarily mean they are gay (though some definitely are)in some cultures men kiss as a greeting - in others they don’t. There are many different signifiers so we should not jump to conclusions. Better just to say LGBT exist and always have in Nigeria despite the majority people's fantasising that they don't or it's some western import.

Orikinla Osinachi. 11:50 pm  

Those who have not been there cannot talk of the experiences of those who have been there.

I had a gay friend and actually exhibited our manhood to know which was bigger.

At first, he wanted me to be his lover. And paid me in thousands of Naira to see my manhood and fell in love at the first sight of it.
And I did not blame him(it is quite a sight.)

There are gays in Nigeria. I mean real gays and not those with wives and children. But, they are regarded as sick people. And from my friendship with some of them, I am convinced that they are really sick. And need help.

God bless.

Anonymous,  1:43 am  

HEY AM A NIGERIA BORN AND BRED, IN MA 'REAL LIFE' AM STRAIGHT, BUT IN PRIVATE I LIKE TO WEAR WOMEN CLOTHES AND MASTERBATE AND FANTASIZE BOUT A HUGE COCK INSIDE OF ME THEN I'LL CUM AND I LOVE IT AND OOH AT TIMES I GO OUT IN THE NIGHT FOR A STROLL AND GET TOASTED BY MEN AND BOYS NOT KNOWIN WHO I REALLY AM, BUT NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MAN. DIG THIS WE 'ALPHA FEMALES' EXIST IN NIGERIA BUT IN SECRET DEEP IN THE CLOSET. CHOW.

Anonymous,  11:30 am  

am a lesbian and am a nigerian

Anonymous,  8:05 pm  

my name Mojide. i am nigerian male playing "strait", but have homosexuel fantasies and want to be dominated by a man or group of strong men and tyed up.

it is wrong that we cant do what we wnat - just beecus wire men!

do not know who to contact, could someone contact me? Want to go bad, play rough! want to meet you, and make new friends.

Mojide Lucas
8 Augusto Close
Surulere Lagos Nigeria 23401

Tunji,  2:19 pm  

why does it matter if one is Gay? it's right to be married and have a mistress but it is not right to be one's self. NIGERIANS grow up and open your eyes. do you know the no of people who have taken their lives because of this? would you be happy if it was your brother, sister or child? well I'm GAY happy to be. the only regret I have is marrying to satisfy people.
Now I am divoiced I am happier and free. Tunji

Ifedayo,  4:07 am  

I really dont care whatever the governmental issues concerning gays in Nigeria or any other part of the world where its an interdiction.
For crying out loud all those against it are bunch of hypocrites and practically just too ashamed to proud of their fierceness.

Anonymous,  5:21 pm  

AM NIGERIN BORN BUT I CANT NOT LIVE IN MY OWN COUNTRY JUST BECAUSE AM GAY. WHEN IS NIGERI GOING TO GROW OUT OF OLD CENTURY AND BE IN NEW LIGHT? ALL THESE STUPID BILLS AND LAWS THAT ARE PASSED AT THE SENATE AND HOUSE OF REPS AND JUST REDICULOUS

Anonymous,  8:03 am  

nigeria is a seriously essed up place when it comes to things like this. there are two way to look at this topic1 religious point of view and social point of view. i beleive that they should be kept far apart from each other. most nigerians that have something against homosexuality use religion as an escuse to be against it. even people who are gay don't wnat to be gay most times because of religious influence. and i dun understand why nigerians r so close minded. i dun even understand why they are talking baout htis topic in parliament. how could gay people possibly harm us as a country? they are not the ones eating our money, they r not the ones running the country badly, they just wanna live their lives like everyone else. nigeria has a longgggg way to go.

okumephuna 2:26 pm  

It is not in our interest that Nigeria is a homophobic nation because we are loosing a lot of things over this issue. For instance many gays and lesbians are seeking for asylum abroad and because gays and lesbians are more likely to be professionals, the meaning is that we train these professionals and instead of working and contributing for our nation, they will seek for refuge abroad and contribute to those nations. Who is loosing and who is gaining? Of course we are loosing big time! Follow this link and read my article of this issue;
http://chukwunwikezarramu-okumephuna.blogspot.com/2009/06/painful-truth-about-nigeria.html

hotunba 3:26 pm  

Everything in this world is not perfect, lets consider a machine for example, it can never be 100% efficient. We should accept the fact that all fingers are not equal. What i like is different from what you like, it is just a matter of choice, i can choose to be whom i wanna be with no intimidation. please let us all leave the sleeping dog to lay. If we cant all support them then why the discrimination against them. What we dont all know is that the more we fight against them, the stronger and plenty they become. haven't we all notice that the rate at which hiv spread this days is no more increasing! why? because they feel love from others and now live comfortably with no stigma on them, instead they could have revenge by spreading it deliberately.
If we keep fighting them, they become stronger(increases crime rate such as rape, since they cant approach anyone freelly.
As a matter of truth, Nigeria need to wake form their old ways. If we can copy the white's men act, lifestyles, technology and systems, then why cant we also copy their emotional attitude.

hotunba 3:46 pm  

I thought we have human right organisations here in Nigeria. If so i think gay people should also have their own right of sex preference. If two male or female are having sexual relationship among themselves, then i believe it's their agreement to do because no forces each other. Why do we now have to complicate the issue by fighting against them.
Assuming i were to be a law provider, i will call the discrimination a live & right intrusion, cos we dont have to intrude into someone else personal life and should be stopped.
The only part i will strongly support Nigeria to against is the harassment, force and rape caused to innocent victims by bi/gays/lesbians. If they can be freed to their right and lives, such issues will reduce or never occur again, and if so, a severe punishment will awaits such offenders

hotunba 4:06 pm  

Am saying this again and again and again, lets support one and other and discriminate against some. Bi/Gay/Lesbians/Transgender/Intersex should all have their right. We should know that if we issue a draft against them, will bill a discrimination against a section of society, which are an absolutely unjustified intrusion of an individual's right to privacy and contravene Article 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. As a matter of fact, AM ONE OF THEM " SO PLEASE LEAVE US ALONE TO OUR RIGHT".

Anonymous,  2:23 am  

afrofunkycool said... Homosexuality has now been found amongst animals like higher ranked lions and for that matter bonobo monkeys.
======

OK, So you want to act like a monkey.

What's new?

Becky Klein 6:16 am  

Tunji we could get contact drop your email or better still your phone number we could get along so fast or email me at bwant2love@gmail.com

Anonymous,  5:08 am  

It's nice to know that ppl have opinions about homosexuality! I was born of Nigerian parents here in America and i am a lesbian! At 28, I finally found someone who completes me! I could care less what anyone thinks of my lifestyle...there are more serious things to worry about, like the govt trying to kill us all so that the rich can prevail! Only you can make you happy, not those miserable critics who do not know what they want in life other than to seek self-gratification at the defamation of character of the next man! God bless us all! And believe me, GOd does not love me any less>>>

Anonymous,  5:14 am  

Hotunba, I agree with you all the way, but for a better choice of words, we are not copying the emotional attitudes of anyone, being gay is an intrisnic feeling that one sometimes tries to fight because he/she feels it is a taboo to society! Yet, ppl seem to fail to realize that "society" are you and I! So do not let us deter you from living ur life...Peace!

Anonymous,  4:00 pm  

when you are not gay you can not tell their feelings because you feel for a woman and he feels for the same sex with him or her that is why you see a different between both of you no get off that thinking gays are human beings like you and me so the should be given their right any where in the world because gay is as old as human being so it can not be stop please nigerians think like the white they know why they gave gays their right, thats all i have to say.

Anonymous,  2:17 pm  

homosexuality is a sin.lets tell ourselves the truth.its even against nature dats naturally 'dicks' were made to fit 'cunts'.remember sodom and gomorra?dat was their sin.if u look back most pple are not really born likr dat,it only started by chance and then the victims psycho is changed.ppl have been helped out of it.

Anonymous,  7:11 pm  

Well it seems there are gays, bis and trannies out there inNigeria but I can't find them!!! Where are you all hiding??

I am bi and enjoy crossdressng and looking for similar guys in Lagos.

Where to do to meet other guys??

Anonymous,  10:36 am  

Well, we will agree that bi,trans, gay tendencies are against the law of mother nature. while we know there are queers amongst us, such life style can be at best tolerated but definitely not encouraged, I would support the law... that way little wayward fantasies can be kept in check and corrected not celebrated... While I have nothing against these people( I have such friends) I just lament at the waste, cos they can never experience ecstasy, the way it was meant for us to enjoy....
Also if these nonsense is not checked, soon, some people will started defending sexual relations with animals....
Please don't let that happen..

Anonymous,  2:39 pm  

I have taken my time to read a lot of the comments on here and I am very pleased with the way alot of Nigerians of today think.

First and foremost, I am very happy to be able to speak out anonymously although i have come to a point in my life where I don't really care any more. I came to the UK to study for my master's degree which I successfully completed in 2008. As the world slipped into global recession, I was unable to find work in my field so I settled for general admin work. In the past year, I have acquireed enough skills to put me on the ladder to success in this new professional sector. I must say that I am very pleased with this achievement.

I am a gay Nigerian with a natural zest for life who wants to be happy and fulfil goals which I have set for my self. Nigeria failed me! Nigeria failed to put me in the right state of mind to acomplish my dreams. I am settled in another country and adding value the best way I can to an economy that has never dirctly affected me or my up bringing until now. What a loss for my own country. I magine the amount of people that have decided to do or are doing what I am doing simply because we have found comfort in the arms of a far away land. Nigeria should be ashamed of herself to lose people like us simply because of what we are and will never have control over. Lets look at it this way. If the killing of twins wasn't stopped many years ago can you imagine the deficiency that could have contributed. The same goes for gay people. We are simply harmless beings who what to live our lives like everyone else.

Haven said that lot, I must say that I have friends in Nigeria who know about my sexuality and their love hasn't changed. So yes! there are people who are fine with it and some day it would come to the knowledge of everyone - whether or not they accept it.

I am in a relationship with an ex-military Denish man who loves and adores me. I love him too very much. I am not against the idea of marriage but in my case I wouldn't call it that, simply because i grew up with the knowledge that marriage if for a man and a woman and I wouldn't want to go against that. I am comfortable with the phrase 'civil-partnership' - it goes down well with me...lol.

This is what I would like to say to homophobic Nigerians - please open your eyes and accept your lack of knowledge. Assumptions do not always work especially in this case. Please do ask us questions and let us explain things to you and you will understand that we are majorly caring and loveable people who put on a tough exterior sometimes to shroud our lack of acceptance. Society has made us evolve into beings that are not ture reflections of who we really are. Get close to us and you would see how wrong you have been.

Thanks yall...

Anonymous,  11:31 am  

I think they have the right to live their life the way they want it. so let us free them and let them be.
FROM CLEMENT.
+2348060734410

Anonymous,  8:54 pm  

Am a nigeria born.I don't think am a gay but i fancy having sex with elderly men,like late 60's and 70's.But i can't do it with young people like me.The contradictory thing is that i also like going out with girls..If am being asked who i will choose to be my mate,i would say,our ex-president,Oby.I would do anything to have him if i can.But that must be a secret..

Anonymous,  10:24 pm  

First of all i have too say you all are big fools,you are all a disgrace to your parents and the human race at large.If your parents were gay would you have being existing? if you recall what the bible says when God created ADAM, he saw he was lonely so he created EVE and not STEVE neither did he see MADAM alone and create EVE.This kinda sexuality is an insult and mockery to God.This is what caused sodom and gomorah destruction...And even if you dont believe in God,scientifically(biologyically) it's wrong..........So please change from this evil practise

Anonymous,  12:00 am  

Any Nigerian guys in South Africa - Johannesburg or Pretoria for friendship and fun? Hit me up at oupantwins@yahoo.com

Anonymous,  9:01 pm  

firstly am saying am GAY,that i didnt choose to be and i choose not to feel any less whether the society accepts us or not...

i went thru a couple of comments and i must say...

1.hypocrites: if u are not gay,kindly shut ur mouth cos u not any better.

2.now GAY guy:we got a life,let live it,enjoy every bit of it.u straight don't judge us. leave us alone.

ma best friend is straight as aruler and am sure hes in hell now.


i didnt choose to gay,this is me

Anonymous,  9:01 pm  

firstly am saying am GAY,that i didnt choose to be and i choose not to feel any less whether the society accepts us or not...

i went thru a couple of comments and i must say...

1.hypocrites: if u are not gay,kindly shut ur mouth cos u not any better.

2.now GAY guy:we got a life,let live it,enjoy every bit of it.u straight don't judge us. leave us alone.

ma best friend is straight as aruler and am sure hes in hell now.


i didnt choose to gay,this is me

Anonymous,  10:53 am  

Personally I feel those against homosexuality are jst ignorant. I am a gay nigerian & unfortunately I am not proud of it but also unfortunately it is who I am & I can't do anything about it
I did not wish it upon myself I jst noticed dat I get more attracted 2 boys dan 2 girls, now I must say I'm a very handsome young chap so I can get any girl I want but d problem is dat dey
jst do not seem to appeal to me in any way. Now d reason why I called homophobics ignorant r 'cos dey do not undastand dat most of us do not wish 2 b gays, we jst find ourselves in dat situation
& I must say we can't do anything about it. I personally av prayed against it & tried all sorts of stuff but obviously I'm still gay. Wot I jst wanna say here z dat d public shud just live & let
live. I'm jst a confused 18 year old wu sumtyms gets angry at God 4 making me sumfn dat is not 'morally' acceptable by my people.

Anonymous,  11:00 pm  

My name is Zareena Leila Riaz, I am a UK born and educated Gay T-Girl, I am currently living near Bradford in the UK with my 26 year old Nigerian born boyfriend. Last year we were hoping to visit his family, but former friends have told him to stay away, he was told that if he went to his village with me, we would both be castrated. He is 6ft 4in tall, 16st, a big tough guy, and he has cried over this. Shame on you Nigeria.

Sam,  4:34 pm  

Hi all.
I am a gay man, not nigerian though (am south african), and have seen and heard how had it is for my gay nigerian friends to live their lives.
Whether they be bi, gay, or whatever, it's just hard for them to truly express themselves like any other, and have a joyful life.
I live in Johannesburg, and a good nigerian friend of mine has been going to churches, praying, even tried supressing these feelings, but he couldn't, and he hates himself for that.
We're all human, and if a person does nothing to to directly offend you, or to hurt you in any way- then just let them be.
'Let he who has no sin cast the first stone'

Flipman 4:00 pm  

Love them to change them. Gays have life. T

Anonymous,  12:24 pm  

Ok guys, being gay is a life choice and most of yours have made that choice for ourself. I have chose to be gay and since it is my choice, I have right to live the life I have chosen for myself, unfortunately, the society (Nigeria) that i live in is homophobic. I am cool being gay, thouugh under hidding, but cool being gay. Ran into this blog somehow, will love to meet any Nigeria around here, am 33yrs old, an engineer and have a good job. We can chat online on yahoo messenger, my id is tonytony7878@yahoo.com or email me on same. Thanks Guys

blickmix 4:32 pm  

The Northern Nigeria have it all clear with the Sharia Law- Homo, Lesbian or all this immoral malpractices are punishable by law,
i agreed with this.
Some so called African or Nigerian who lived in Europe or US on this forum wrote that they should be allowed to do anything with their lives.
Fine, do that what you want there and not in Nigeria or else you will die.
Why must you people import all this immoral things to us?.
Is it any practices in Oversea better than in Africa?.
US, Europe, China, Asia will never welcome African cultures in their society whether it is good or bad.
Anything West, doomed to be best for the doomed Nigerian in US, Europe.
Africa problems is plagued enough by the White superiors and yet this opportuned Africans slave cannot even distinguish what and what is good for their society.

Anonymous,  5:51 am  

Here is what the Bible says about Sodom, in Ezekiel 16:49:

"Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."

Some of the politicians and religious people in Nigeria, who condemn homosexuality, are guilty of the above.

Anonymous,  11:02 am  

Ok, since Nigeria is a homophobic nation as we all see it now.
And it's hard 4 Gays like me to walk it's street feeling great in our thru self.due to some Religious & social problem.
K since dis is a blog dat deals with gay isues and they are a lot of gays here.
I tink it's a good thing because we cant communicate freely out side in the real world,but we can out here so i tink its a good thing.........
So if there is anyone who will like 2 knw me more I tink I'm available cus i m kind of single....
But i admit i like meeting pple
so any who wants 2 talk can email my mobile on
efizi93@ovi.com
so am wating!!!!! LOL
tnks.............

ANTIHIVDR 9:54 pm  

A centre handling gay diseases, homosexuality as a disease, and other peculiar illnesses to gay sex and psychology is open in Ondo State Nigeria.
Special feature is Silver ions therapy proven effective against HIV where ANTIRETROVIRALS HAVE FAILED....take advantage of this service today...
DrWesley 08024015746

Anonymous,  8:47 am  

wow.. I'm kinda scared to go back there

Anonymous,  1:01 am  

hi am a gay but stil in d closet. But i wud like 2 av a secret relationship. Ma email is oladapobamishe@yahoo.comationship. Ma email is oladapobamishe@yahoo.com

Anonymous,  11:15 am  

Its quite obvious that homophias ar just a bunch of sad and sorrow filld monkeys. i'm a 20yr old gay and ntin nt even any1 cn decide who and what to be. my family doesnt knw i'm gay. i cnt go a day without tinkin abt a macho and overprotective man to hav as a lover. 2348093690466

BEING ANONYMOUS FOR SOME REASON,  4:43 am  

I AM A 16 YR OLD GAY BUT AFRAID BECAUSE IT IS A TABOO IN THE BLACK WORLD BUT COME TO THINK OF IT OVER 50% OF NIGERIAN MEN ARE GAYS BUT ARE AFRAID EVEN SOME SENATORS AND ARE AFRAID OF SPEAKING UP FOR US WHY CANT THEY PASS LAWS AS FAST AS OUR OWN LAW EH! ALL GAY GUYS ARE JUST LOCKED UP IN THE CUPBOARD EITHER MASTURBATING OR HAVING A SECRET FRIEND OR FINDING SOME DICK-LIKE OBJECT E.G BOTTLES IN OTHER TO DO THEIR *THING* WHEN THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE SOME GUYS AROUND THEM GIVING THEM SOME INJECTION AND DOING PENETRATION TEST ON THEIR ASS.

Anonymous,  11:50 am  

Hi the I am a south african gay guy hu would love 2 date a najerian gay guy hu is loving and caring my email address is kau-k@gmail.co.za

Anonymous,  3:57 pm  

kia dis is intresting

Anonymous,  11:48 pm  

All of you that say you are gay, we don't hate you as people but you are obviously possed by a gaynspirit you really need deliverance, being gay is not natural or normal, but you can be delivered from this evil spirit

Anonymous,  3:13 am  

well i pray that nigerians should be honest to themselves . come one day the truth of the whole matter would be resolved.

Anonymous,  11:10 am  

I have mindfully reasoned all of your comments...am a senator,and will take your views up at the chamber but I suggest you should be more proactive in your quest!!! If you do not surface and fight for your Right,no one will.organise yourselves and push in like manner.LGT

tee-baby,  2:54 pm  

Life is full of suprises,many of us have our faults and engage in immoral act.and thats why i wonder why being LGBT is different.everybody we need to undertsand that the LGBT Community never choose thier sexuality or gender identity at first while growing up.this is a trait that comes up with your hormones and you definitately cant deal with it.rather than you to praticise what the body has choosed and designed for the purpose of living a full life..come to think of it.the word gay means happiness,style,sexy,and ability to genertae efficient output in a competitive environment.The world is full of chaos ande people are limiting thier thinking faculty to Criminalization and discrimination of gays.wake up and see that what you become today is mostly what you never thought you would be.THINK WISE AND STOP THE HATE,FOR THE FACT THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEING WE NEED TO SCRAP OUT ALL THE MYTHS AND HOLD ON O THE FACT THAT LOVE COVERS ALL THING.THANK YOU..FROM TEE-BABY.

Anonymous,  4:51 pm  

hi im philip and a straight.about being a gay or straight i think its about the heart.there are many gay relationships that are more healthier than tht of straight.besides evryone has got their life.08034498841

Anonymous,  7:29 pm  

How I feel so bad that the government over there says who u can sleep with. I have been to Nigeria many times and just wished that it was accepted there. I'm from America where it has came along way. And still have a ways to go but over all it's ok. I was born male but switching over to female. I've lived as a woman for about 15 years. It's hard and does cost a lot but I try to think positive so I stay strong. I hope that u do the same and find peace and happiness. Never give up and I always said if it takes my life I'm living for me and no one else. Just stay safe and I wish u much happiness . Krissy

Anonymous,  2:01 am  

Cannot believe the hypocrisy of our people. Politicians have plundered our resources,people are being murdered in their houses by assasins and armed robbers, we are referred to as the african giant, yet we cannot provide water, electricity not to talk of healthcare to our people and yet they are passing laws against being gay. please get your priorities right

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