Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Consultancy opportunity: Terms of Reference for Babalawo services

Position: spiritual/juju/black magic consultant
Client: the Bakareweate household
Background: our driver is dozy and stupid. This behaviour is neither genetic nor is he to blame. He was cursed to fall asleep in any classroom he sets foot in by an angry mother in childhood. Her two children failed the common entrance exam, whereas their three best friends all passed. In a fit of anger, she went to see the babalawo to curse the three who passed to academic failure and a lifetime of stupidity.

The curse has thus far been successful. Two of the boys are now the local village drunks. The other one works for us - he forgets everything and gets everything wrong and is very slow to understand anything.

Our driver's uncle took him to Calabar to reverse the curse a while ago. He had his head washed and the curse was successfully weakened. Then, bad times beset the benevolent relative, and the curse has slowly returned, despite heavy prayer and fasting by our driver in his local church.

Client requirement: Help us to reverse the curse of stupidity put upon our driver. The cure will preferably be vegan, and not therefore involve cruelty to animals (or humans).

Fee: We can treat the successful babalawo to a slap-up vegan dinner (drinks included) at our house.

Duration of contract:
IQ of at least 100 should be restored to our driver within the next three weeks.

18 comments:

Omo,  5:51 pm  

Jeremy, you don start o! You know de kain comments wey this kain tin fit bring yet you go rite am.

Mogaji 6:07 pm  

Haha vegan babalawo lol

Ms. Catwalq 6:27 pm  

holla at me in private. I freelance these kind of services on the side...

plastiQ 6:53 pm  

ROFLMAO. Jeremy !

Anonymous,  8:09 pm  

This babalawo business na wa o. My uncle was conned by one of these babalawo's offering him 'ayeta' (bullet dodger) services. His friend tested his ayeta first. His leg was shattered!

Kody 8:32 pm  

Was going to offer my services but the fee is the deal breaker. A vegan meal is about as appealing as a french kiss with Peter Mandelson.

Kody 8:50 pm  

He may be dozy and stupid but can he DRIVE? If so, stick with what he is employed to do. If you task his brain with extra duties, the fault is yours not his:-)

maitumbi 8:55 pm  

You may consider revising the terms of engagement. In the name of civilisation, I will be ready to forego human sacrifice but you can not properly "wash" somebody's head without blood. Considering your strong vegan convictions however, I will refer you to my pal, the Aladura priest who might try the same with the next best thing, holy water from Kuramo beach.

Waffarian 10:24 pm  

hahahahahahhahaha this just reminds me of one of my mum's friends who complained about the wall surrounding her dentistry. She called a painter/artist and told him that she did not like the view her patients were subjected to in the waiting room-(an ugly grey wall) and told him that it would be nice if they could see something else instead, maybe flowers or trees or something. He should just paint something nice.

She travelled and when she came back, the guy had painted the windows of the waiting room with very colourful flowers, branches etc hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

He thought since the problem was the patients seeing the wall, then better to block their view by painting the windows!

hahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheheheheheheeh

Meanwhile, the woman meant the wall all along and also assumed the painter had followed her train of thoughts!

hehehehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

anytime i think of that, I can't stop laughing.

na so na...as Kody said, why una dey give am task wey pass im power? ehen, if im job na driver, make im drive. Una no suppose dey send am message or dey engage am with conversation, and even if una wan send am message, abeg, break am down for am.

Naijadude 11:00 pm  

LOL.. But i cant comprehend how you let this "man" be your driver??

hmm as per the service? come see me for corner, we need to talk about the compensation well well ooh... we go buy cows and rams...

yemisi ogbe 11:16 pm  

How tragic it is that your driver believes all these things. If he believes them for 70 years, then he is imprisoned for a lifetime. How sad, and tragic and depressing

mamuje 8:26 am  

OMG, I would make a few contacts, we might be able to find one for your driver. Sad isnt it? But you need to rething your stance on the vegan meal offer o. A nice place o lafun and gbegiri might do the magic.

Anonymous,  12:21 pm  

Babalawo Business, what a business and you know people are been decided everyday.
May God help our generation.

http://najiajobs.blogspot.com

CodLiverOil 1:23 pm  

Monsieur Weate
Pourquoi, perpetuez vous cycle-ci cruel?

Est-ce que votre chaffeur lire? Si, il peut, lui donnez des livres avec le sujet "Autoriser". (par Anthony Robbins pour example)

Si, il ne lit pas, lui parlez envers "Teniez de sa vie". C'est l'aiderai plus que un babalawo.

Lui donnez encouragement. Vous serez toi-meme. Essayez le et voyez.

Lost at The End 4:57 pm  

Yeah, that's the question that is running through my mind. Can the guy read? Can he get access to this post?

Obi 10:17 pm  

All man sabi say babalawo no dey work unless you use real blood????
A Vegan sacrifice will worsen the matter and turn him into a bigger mugu!!!
How do u think Yankee developed Einstein??? You think the Titanic sinking was an accident???

mypenmypaper 8:48 am  

hahaha

I was of the same thoughtline when I posted: a call for Good JUJU for Positive Local Application, url below.
http://mypenmypaper.wordpress.com/2009/03/07/a-national-call-for-good-juju-for-positive-local-application/

And very soon, perhaps someone could start the National Assosciation for Juju Practitioners(NAJP)

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