Sunday, April 06, 2008

On being Chris Okotie

Just got sent this:

A NORMAL PERSON: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Chris Okotie : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Chris Okotie : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
Chris Okotie : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
Chris Okotie : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
Chris Okotie : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
Chris Okotie : Neophyte's serendipity.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
Chris Okotie : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
Chris Okotie : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
Chris Okotie : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
Chris Okotie : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *********

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
Chris Okotie : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks
Chris Okotie : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap
Chris Okotie : Surveillance should precede saltation.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best
Chris Okotie : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Chris Okotie : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!
Chris Okotie : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration


Akin 9:48 pm  

Haba Jeremy,

Surely, these cannot have seriously been uttered as words in the sentences as presented.

Surely, this would make the Word of God completely inscrutable to the congregation.

But then, it possibilities are there. :-)

Omosewa,  10:13 pm  

Rotflmao!!! Who came up with this??

Too too funny.

naijalines 10:59 pm  

Well, well...
Is this why people love his church so much?!

Naijas have always loved embellishments. Can't blame the guy.

delabique 12:33 am  

@ akin - very typical of okotie. his language is very bombastic. ordinary folks would find it difficult to flow with his preaching

Did u ever watch him on tv? APOCALYPSIS or so the tv show was called

Chxta 3:22 am  

I remember the 2003 presidential campaign. Chris Okotie addressed the House of Assembly right after Ike NwaChukwu. Rtd. Gen. NwaChukwu addressed the House in Hausa, Igbo, Yoruba and Pidgin. Then Okotie came up, and scattered the House...

kulutempa 3:38 am  

or: cachinnating until such a time as my posterior would detach and be precipitated.

omidanbellafricaine 4:43 am  

LMAO! this is so true you need two books to listen to this man's sermons a bible and a dictionary

Anonymous,  4:59 am  

isnt this ironic?! Akin on Chris Okotie.

in advance and anticipation of being labelled,
A. Coward.

(Love your blog akin, but..ahem, a few less words?)

Controversial Anon,  4:07 pm  

Another joker who leads Nigerians down the path of narrow-mindedness, dogma, superstition and all round stupidity.

But no, he is hailed as a man of God.

Please! Please! Please!

Think! Think! Think!

Iyaeto 6:00 pm  

In 2001, I was on holiday in 9ja wih my hubby who hadn't been to 9ja since 1988. We were watching a programme and Chrish okotie was being interviewed. We were totally bemused at the amount of big big oyinbo he was blwing . WE didn't have a clue of what he was talking about.

Ms. Catwalq 6:23 pm  

this is the funniest thing I have heard all day

goy,  6:48 pm  

Anyone remember when Chris was still a popstar? "Show me your Backside" and so on?

Dami 11:29 pm  

someone should introduce him to the campaign for plain English!

AustynZOGS 5:47 am  

Just imagine if Okotie had been Nigeria's president' Na so so bib grammer the guy for dey hammer and nothing more.Who knows-he could have done better than 'Baba go slow.
Funny piece,Jeremmy

Anonymous,  4:25 am  

I find this oddly amusing. You are almost just as bad, so is it okay if I laugh at you too?

AnyaPosh 6:15 pm  

Hahaha! Long story. The guy too talk.

Anonymous,  4:45 pm  

The man sabi grammer...O!
He sure spends his time judiciously...:)

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