Tuesday, January 13, 2009

See me, see trouble

Ok this one is dedicated to all you oyinbo Nigerians scratching to come back home on account of dis your credit crunch. Be warned that shit can truly hit the fan some days:

Since returning from our blissful sojourn in Tanzania (land of blue oceans and chilled out people):

1. We discovered someone has nicked our DSTV satellite dish - they yanked it off the wall (quite high up). Our compound is supposed to guarded.

2. Our borehole has packed in. It is a 419 borehole - drilled to only 15 metres. Boreholes in Abuja need to be 35 metres deep to hit the aquifer and guarantee water all year round. As for water from the 'water board' - well, they've yet to connect the huge reservoir at Usman Dam to Abuja. Ko gadda. If you want water during the dry season, you have to drill your own borehole - cost being a minimum N600,000 not including the survey. I spend the mornings fetching water by filling up 50 litre kegs from a friend's house round the corner.

3. A car drove into us from behind in Lagos the day we arrived back. Bibi had whiplash for a few days. It was an off duty Glo pool car earning some side money. Of course they had no insurance so Sisi Oge is going to have to sort out her bumper herself.

4. Two police officers drove into me after jumping a red light today. Plenty wahala follow follow (I refused to listen to the oga-talk). Praise be to Honda Accords for being such ox-strong cars.

All in all, before you book your ticket, go turn on the taps and consider whether you could cope with nothing coming out when you turn it. Meditate on the meaning of traffic lights in your town, and reflect on what it would be like to live somewhere where their meaning is variable.


MsMak,  7:16 pm  

Ha ha! Darn, what a start to your new year in 'Gidi...

The xmas break left me scratching my head seriously, and i have decided to have a long hard think this year about whether i really want to return home now.

Onyeka 7:20 pm  

Wow, LOL. Sucks to be you right now, dude.

o opesan 8:34 pm  

Let's not scare folk off now, because of a sh**ty string of events.

What you've just described could have been Canning Town revisited: a burglary, followed by a quick joy drive with a visit from a dodgy roofer/plumber thrown in for good measure.

Take heart, their won't always be days like this.

Can I use this medium to invite football fans to visit my blog? It's mainly for lovers of Arsenal and the Super Eagles: http://scarletgreen.blogspot.com/


Anonymous,  8:43 pm  

Haha, you'll probably catch some flak for this post but as a Nigerian living in "Yankee", I laughed my ass off (especially about the taps and traffic lights).

I still intend to move back tho. :)

imnakoya 9:33 pm  

I don hear...

LoloBloggs 9:51 pm  

I hear ya!! I've just arrived back from NY break and I'm a bit traumatised at various basic infrastructure issues!

Check out my blog post on PHCN...don't know how you people live with it!

naijalines 12:42 am  

Lol @ 419 borehole.

Anonymous,  10:07 am  

Hahaha! This is comedy! See you in Naija tho. Nov, 09.

Chxta 12:06 pm  

Both places (the West and Naija) have their advantages and disadvantages. Speaking from a British point, I am honestly sick of having to constantly monitor the Home Office's website to see what new rule has been sneaked in with respect to immigrants. I am sick of paying excessive bills for every little thing, and excessive fines for every little mistake. On the Naija side, it won't take long to get sick of the lack of infrastructure.

So in the final analysis, there is an opportunity cost that has to be seriously considered. Can one put up with daily 'physical' assaults (Naija) or daily 'mental' assaults (the UK)?

Anengiyefa 2:10 pm  

Seeing as life in Naija is so eventful, it might actually make a change compared to the quiet uneventful and very predicatble life one has to live in the UK. The thought of it even seems a bit exciting...

Iyaeto 12:02 pm  

Jeremy. i told you my experience. They stole my electric car aerial.when I went to get a replacement, the guy at the scrap yard asked me why anyone would nick a car aerial all I told him was that it was nicked in Nigeria the guy and his mates burst out laughing. Well it's still our country.

Kody 7:20 pm  

Any news about the satellite dish Jeremy??????

CodLiverOil 10:32 pm  

Jeremy, you take this hiccups in your stride well. Good on you.

Although you didn't mention it. What kind of planning is in place in Nigeria? Abuja, touted as Nigeria's "show-piece city". Is a "city", that has been built with little or no provision for basic amenities such as running water and electricity. What a joke!

If you, who resides in a middle-class suburb in a relatively new "city", is having difficulty in procuring these essentials of life. What hope for the average Nigerian, in the decaying towns and cities in that land.

People have got to get a grip on reality and jettison all these fanciful ideas of wi-fi and floating hotels and concentrate on the foundations and basics of society. Like clean running water from taps, loos that flush, constant electricity, treating waste in a responsible manner. This is the 21st century is it not?

Whoever is responsible for planning and infra-structure really needs to take a second look, or should be replaced with someone who knows what they are doing.

Onibudo 12:14 am  

I contrast your experience to mine in the UK. Two friends lose their homes no family to move too and homeless. Another friend loses his 9 year old son to meningitis, the families second son to have died to the disease in a decade, my youngest so is in perpetual fear of going to breakfast club because of racist bullying and I wake up every morning dreading the post for the ever present bills through my door. The relief of coming to Lagos away from the cold weather and the even colder people, the doors of possibilities rather than the bleak predictability. To each is own as for me give me Lagos and its craziness rather the matrix that is the `uk.

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