Monday, March 03, 2008

Safety tips for Nigerians visiting home..

Makes for an interesting read. Thanks Nkem for the link.


Anonymous,  11:48 am  

Scare Mongers at it again!!!

ijebuman 5:39 pm  

Sorry but this is complete rubbish, this is just someone's personal opinion/experience of his 'village'. The first part of the article is even more hilarious -

The only safety tip "foreign-based Nigerians" visiting home need, is to drop the fake accent at the airport and do what the locals do, end of story.

aronke,  8:06 pm  

Ah! Aya mi o ja! I thought I was the only one scandalized by this piece of nonsense. I was beginning to wonder if he was talking about this same Nigeria.

'derinola,  8:18 pm  

WTF??? Who the heck is this guy??? Abi we should all kuku pack our bags and leave seeing as we're living in a jungle. Why the heck did punch publish this???? Ntori olorun! We don't need cnn/bbc/sky/american embassy to portray nigeria as a security threat, obviously we're doing a damned good job ourselves!!!

Biko,I routinely drive late at night in lagos (my friends know me as 'oloru of oru'), and I am a woman, and I've NEVER experienced a robbery attack! That is not to say it doesn't happen, but the truth of the matter is that even though i've heard stories of one lagbaja or tamedu being attacked, it honestly has never happened to anyone I know. Again, that is not to say it doesn't happen, but haba, not like this 'don't stay out, be home by 3pm' now!! I've done vgc-newscafe-nmbr10-vgc between 1am and 4am more times than i can count, and sometimes alone, and other than those irritating policemen (some of whom i refuse to stop for)I haven't had any encounters. Maybe I should just go and do thanksgiving sha. Or am I missing something?

Anonymous,  8:41 pm  

"Fetish practices: The visitors are sometimes threatened with fetish practices such as ritual killings, witchcraft, “Utagba” or spiritual arrow and all manner of fetish weapons. These young people, not being familiar with cultural practices and imperatives, tend to insist on their Westernized ways of relating to the world around them. They therefore thread the village turfs the wrong way and then end up on the metaphysical gun-sights of evil men and women."

LMBAO (laughing my black ass off!!!)

May I suggest:
DO NOT drive a hummer,clk, slk, porsche, heck, even a brand new toyota corolla even if you can afford it so as not to end up on the 'metaphysical gunsights' of these wicked people.

Ditto living on the island, that is tantamount to flaunting your wealth and the criminals will be enraged. Better to live in egbeda, iyana iba, meran and such like,(and keep a low profile, be nice to your neighbors lest they suspect you are a fraudster. If you speak the queen's oyinbo, try to disguise this as best as you can. If your accent is just to thick, stay away from said neighbors entirely, under no circumstances should you try to engage them, or allow them to engage you for that matter).

Lock, double and triple lock your doors at ALL times. You must never be out later than 3pm. Of course, that means you'll have to give up your cushy banker/oilworker/telecoms job but it's a small price to pay. Life has no duplicate.

If you're invited to a party, do all in your power to decline. However, if you are unable to decline because the people inviting you know your 'status' (or because declining would put you on their metaphysical gunsights), then make sure you chop bellefull before you leave. Accept drinks only if said drink is opened in your presence (be sure to check that it actually IS being opened for the first time). Accept no food whatsoever. Afterall, who's to say the food hasn't been poisoned before being brought to you.

Trust no one, not your mother/father/husband/wife/twin brother. Any one can be corrupted by evil mechanisms and used as an agent of the devil.

Idemili 2:30 pm  

Arrant nonsense. Speak pidgin from the airport if you cannot speak your native tongue and tear your tags off your luggage.

Hang out with relatives/cousins who DO speak the language.

I pity the author. God knows where he/she comes from.
I do agree about not being too flash/talking about money. An Igbo proverb goes: 'Ihe anya huru n'agu ya' - What the eye sees, it desires.

Plenty Flenjo 2:42 pm  

@ anonymous - then what's the point of busting your ass off working hard in life, graduating from a good college, working your way to the top of the corporate ladder, excelling amongst your peers etc only to not drive a hummer,clk, slk, porsche, heck, even a brand new toyota corolla even if you can afford it - or disguising your accent (which is probably natural now considering you've been overseas for so many years), decline parties etc? Isn't that living a lie? So I might as well sell thisday newspapers at ojuelegba for a living if that's what it takes to be safe in nigeria. And there is NOBODY who can argue with me that the newspapers vendors and market people and their ilk are SAFER in Nigeria than the educated, corporate working nigerian for that matter (let's not even include jjc's or expats at this point) - what's REALLY wrong with this picture? All you previous "commenters" missed the ball on this one, this article is 100% on point.

Anonymous,  7:41 pm  

@plenty flenjo: obviously you missed the tongue-in-cheek nature of my comment (you need to get a sense of humour, sheesh!).

This article was soooo not on point, I happen to live in Lagos, drive an SUV and hang out whenever and wherever I desire and i've never, not once (ok, touch wood), been attacked. This article was complete nonsense and like Idemili, I pity the chap that wrote it.

Dr Chic,  9:25 pm  

I liked the part about 'firing' your spokesperson!

Kpakpando 10:15 pm  

In my own land?!!! fa fa fa foul. All of the out of touch beentos need to stop doing Nigeria such a disservice. Even in the safest of all neighborhoods in the US, one still has to be aware of their personal safety, home is not a big scary place where everyone is out to get you.

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