Friday, November 14, 2008

Yoruba man's letter to Obama

Apologies to those who've seen this a zillion times already:

Dia Broda Baraks,

Congrats on your assumption to the throne of US. We your Nigerian famili are very happy for you and for ourselves. It is our turn now to chop US national cake and our enemies cannot do anything about that.

I was to come to see you personally at Wite aus but I was not allowed at the airport because of say no fisa. I told them I am Obama kosin bet they refuse me. Your new elesion is a very good news for the Obama clan in Kenya and the famili in Nigeria. When I fest went to the family aus in Kenya to tell dem we are one famili they did not agree but my pastor from my church make 3 days dry fast and give me a special sponge to baf in barbitch after this they accept me. Becos they don't remember the sister of your granfada mother dat went to Nigeria and mari a shief live near Lagos in 1956 which is also my own personal great grandfada.

Now the famili has choose me to diskus some important matas with you. You know you have been long in Amrica and have forget our traditions but tank God we, your famili are hia to guide you to be rill African man. As a president, you must have a male son in office who will take over after you die and since ya wife Mitchell has not able to do that, we have find a wife for you from your fada village. The famili have already chose a good girl from de village not like Amrica or lagos gals who are too stubborn to obey the famili. She is a humble well behave and edicated gal who study sewing and fasion disine so she can help with sewing your suit wen e tia and also unifom for ami and soja. I hope ya waif will assept famili shoice becos we have fogif her for her winchcraft wich dont allow her to have a male son but if not, she can go back to her fada. Even my pastor has say your younger thoter may need a deliverance becos her granmoda want to give her winsh and ogbanje spirit to chop. Please don't wori about what dis will cost becos I will do it with my own pusonal moni becos we are one famili.

I also want to tell you that I want to set up NGO for hades unfans in Kenya and I can be the leader of the NGO. I have a good standard six degree and also studied computa at Iyana Ipaja so am well qualify for dis. Please I need your help for this.

I hope you will consider my request. I will also like your personal mobile so I can call you. Please greet Auntie Minchel and the shindren for us. God bless you and may all your enemies fall down and die, in Jesus' name!

Til I hear you, I am

Yours amiable cousin

Festus Obama


R.E.II™ 1:48 pm  

I get the jist of this but has he ascended the throne yet?

Derin!!! 2:48 pm  

Festus may have gotten the "fisa", but he'll never be able to get into the US! His package of Kolanuts, gari, cassava flour, palm oil,holy water and other ritualistic 'paraphernalia' will be confiscated at the airport and he'll be instantly deported.He'll return home to meet his pastor dead after fasting for all his church members to get visas to the US. Even if Festus does get into the US, the culture shock will be so severe he'll suffer a heart attack. The general reaction back home will be 'O bama(no pun intended) ti kuro ni Nigeria!'(He never should have left in the first place!)

Anonymous,  2:52 pm  

wow, I don't understand any of this. Do you have an English version?

Tunde 6:53 pm  

my fav is this
If USA was Nigeria, newspaper headlines on November 5 would read as follows:
· Don't celebrate yet, McCain tells Obama (TELL magazine)
· Concede defeat, Obama urges McCain (Punch Newspaper)
· 20 opposition cadres riot (The Sun Newspaper)
· McCain Demands Vote Recount (Vanguard Newspaper)
· Elections rigged - Palin (Guardian Newspaper)
No evidence of manipulation (NTA News)
· The Church declares elections free and fair (News Line)
· There will be violence if we lose; McCain declares (LTV 8 news)
· Election results for Arizona,Florida, New York awaited (Channels News)
· Trucks with suspected ballot papers crosses into USA from Mexico (Tribune Newspaper)
· "McCain is an opportunist - Go back to your farm" says Biden(AIT News)
· I will not accept results, McCain tells Obama (MITV News)
· Democratic Party will rule the USA for the next 100 years - Clinton Declares (ThisDay Newspaper
· Area Boys 20 killed, 30 injured at New Jersey Polling Booth )(Daily Mirror)
· Obama: 'I will soon roll out timetable for Royal Blessings'(PM News)

· Several Ballot Boxes Missing at Phoenix, handwork of 'Obama Boys' - Republican Party(Ogtv News)
· Heavy Security at INEC H/quarter, Commissioners flee. (Newswatch Magazine)
· $900million for Feeding and Wardrobe Allowances for Obama's Daughters Justified (Presidential Spokeperson)

· MIO NI GBA O!! - McCAIN (Akede Agbaye)

Boosh 9:47 pm  

Thanks for posting this, Jeremy. I am working on a followup letter by "popular demand".

Anonymous,  7:11 am  

The author should note the "type" of Yoruba man that wrote this.

Dis one na one RAW ARA OKE O.

Festus, u don't speak for us all.

Anonymous,  3:10 pm  

Pointless post by Jeremy.

Brainless letter by the writer.

Very unfunny all around.

Anonymous,  2:06 am  

I thought it was hillarious and then came in here and the joke just went puff. Y'all just killed a good joke. Gosh. Lighten up

maitumbi 8:38 pm  

Am still laughing at tunde's AKEDE and ALAROYE yoruba headlines!:-)

me,  7:11 pm  

anon 3.10, its meant to be pointless.

Its also meant to be brainless - what else could it possibly be - think about it..........

The world won't stop turning if you don't find it funny.

Anonymous,  12:58 pm  

Jeremy Obama,
Guess you have a letter too. Their is a yoruba proverb that says; It's a bastard that describe is fathers house using the left hand. So, no one should be surprised at a briton 'bastard' who has chosen to laugh his way through the culture and tradition of his benefactors and neighbours. NOT SURPRISED!

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