Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thanatography

What comes first, the fear of losing things, of everything passing, disappearing, or the fear of dying and death? We can spend so much of our time in the suspended animation of the present, pretending to ourselves that it will always be so, even when we know secretly that everything will change. So much of our lives can be occupied by clinging to things: to possessions, to friendships that have outlived themselves, to a love that has faded though we will not name it that. We dress this attachment up as care, as love, as loyalty, as fidelity, when in fact it is simply the ego refusing to let life pass for fear of losing control of everything.

The reality for us is that we must lose everything. Everyone around us, we will lose. We will lose the world that we were sure of and even ourselves. And there may well not be anything else after this life. It is the first noble truth.

I am just finishing reading Julian Barnes’ latest book, Nothing to Be Frightened of. In his typical style, he twists and turns elegantly crafted thoughts and phrases around the central anxiety and terror: the impending reality of our finitude. He captures innermost thoughts as they are played out across time in conversations with his brother, and through reminscences of his childhood. Having my own morbid streak (who doesn’t?) I find it an enjoyable read, with some hilarious intervals.

But on another level, it disturbs me, not in the sense that it forces me to confront my own death again (I have done that too often to be alarmed any more by the prospect). Rather, I have a sense that intimations of mortality need not lead inevitably to panic and confusion and ego-revolt.

There is a way of accepting the transience of things, of the world, and even of oneself, with something close to grace and serenity rather than fear. It comes through accepting mentally that everything will pass. In vipassana meditation this mental-conceptual acceptance is played out across the bodily unconscious through a powerful technique. There are many other ways to a serene acceptance of the first noble truth, all of them transformative of the terms of what is here and what is now.

In other words, the acceptance of transience, and of finitude, is the only way in which one can fully live in the present, being-there. Its all we have and will have, until the end.

4 comments:

Anonymous,  6:40 am  

It's posts like this that remind me that you are a philosopher, no?

JD 7:49 am  

What comes first, the fear of losing things, of everything passing, disappearing, or the fear of dying and death? We can spend so much of our time in the suspended animation of the present, pretending to ourselves that it will always be so, even when we know secretly that everything will change. So much of our lives can be occupied by clinging to things: to possessions, to friendships that have outlived themselves, to a love that has faded though we will not name it that. We dress this attachment up as care, as love, as loyalty, as fidelity, when in fact it is simply the ego refusing to let life pass for fear of losing control of everything.

Those begining lines truly captured me. I love this post and would look out for that book...

JD

Sandrine 4:38 pm  

Jeremy,
It’s funny that you mentioned finitude because I have been thinking about it for about a week since my baby graduated from crib to twin bed and it has been bothering me. It occurred to me that I never liked good byes and people moving away and I don’t like ends of relationships. I agree that some have to but I believe that some are for ever. I also believe in soul mates and fate (I love the movie “Happenstance” from Laurent Firode)
I am not afraid to die in the sense of leaving but I am worried about leaving too soon when my children still need me. I am also worried about the pain and loss of dignity that sometimes accompany death.
When I was a teenager, I had to write an essay on a quote from Giacometti where he said that, in a fire, if he would have to choose between a painting and a cat, he would choose a cat. Fortunately I never had to make this kind of choice. However, living in Miami,with a hurricane season lasting six months (June 1st to end of November), I had to think several times about what was important to me, what I would choose if I had to leave the house and go to a shelter.The first years,it was difficult because I always loved things for their beauty or sentimental value. Since I had the kids and years have passed, I do not worry as much anymore. I have learned to let go. I try to teach my kids that what is important is that we have each other and accumulation of goods doesn’t make one happy and I hope that one day it will make sense to them.
Take care.
Sandrine

lolaojiks 1:32 am  

Your post reminded me of this poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I did not die.

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