Thursday, June 21, 2007

Manual pleasures: you have been warned..

I hope none of my readers ever indulges:

"A chance masturbator stands the risk of nervous-depressing permanent insanity, premature death, especially for those with high blood pressure, diabetes, blood diseases, inability to perform sexual act naturally, etc. Other dangers attached to masturbation sexes include inability to pull out of the act. It has even been documented to cause more deaths among boys in Europe than any plaque or war. Masturbation also results in total loss of sexual feelings and desire due to lack of sensation when it is time to actually engage in legitimate sexual intercourse. Quick, early or premature ejaculation is also one of the rewards of regular masturbation.

In girls, the breast development is arrested or retarded and the individual also stands the risk of experiencing spinal irritation resulting from epilepsy as a result of loss of seminal fluid in a male."

Click here to read the full article. We can only extend our heartfelt gratitude to the Nigerian Tribune for warning us of these dangers, before its too late...

o se KA for the email.


Anonymous,  12:17 pm  

"In girls, the breast development is arrested or retarded...."

I know you did not write this article, but beware the small chested girls battalion will not be happy reading this

Patrice,  12:35 pm  

So this means I have more to worry about than just hairy palms.

Akin 12:50 pm  

I had to check if it was April Fools Day, then I realised we were in June

It almost makes you ejaculate in embarrassed incredulity - who thinks up this mess and writes these lines?

It is not Puritan enough to forbid masturbation, they have to engage voodoo science and psychology to enforce a prudish outlook because people cannot be persuaded from a religious perspective.

One despairs that a national editor approves this tripe.

Anonymous,  1:07 pm  

what is a chance masturbator ? someone who masturbates by accident ?

Ms. May 1:35 pm  

Wow....this is funny but in a sad way. And we wonder why Nigerian women don't feel comfortable enough to speak out about their experiences when they've been sexually assaulted and/or raped? With this crap being put out there about masturbation. God help us!

twinstaiye 3:38 pm  

Yes, none of your readers indulges, Jeremy, myself inclusive but I can authoritatively says I do not experienced any of those symptons, or shall I say, I am not scared one bit. I will keep you posted if I experience any of the things mentioned in the articles. Dont ask me how I know since I dont indulge, I have my ways of knowing things of such nature.

Jaja 5:45 pm  

The article was only stating the fact.

I have gone stark raving mad since!

Jaja 5:49 pm  

Ok, but seriouslys, are people allowed to publish anything at all? when they arnt true and claim MEDICALLY PROVEN?

is that too free speech?

Anonymous,  6:44 pm  

that article was really something.
mastabators beware!

'chance masturbation','legimate intercourse'??? lollll

ohhhh nigeria....

Anonymous,  7:12 pm  

why don't you every engage in conversation on this your blog thingy? You report and move on like there are no comments whatsoever. lets hear your take.

Anonymous,  9:10 pm  

wot do they mean by masturbation is harmful??? F**K THAT. The articule is a load of crap.

olu 9:14 pm  

Lowest form of journalism. I'm really hoping Tribune can stoop lower than this. Random crap/comments from so called "experts." You gotta love intellectual foolishness at its' finest.

Shared this with my fellow medical students, they completely lost it!

Okunrin meta

Bella Naija 9:34 pm  


I think Nigerian newspapers should more concerned about their incessant spelling errors and press releases 'posing' as legitimate news reports etc... than 'chance masturbators'


Anonymous,  2:26 pm  

Please note that this sort of nonsense is fairly ubiquitous, particularly amongst the Christina right in the US. For further entertainment, please visit:-

Kpakpando 5:20 pm  

Jisos, we need saving, haba masturbating is what you're writing about when people have been stuck at home for how many days now because of strike... we need deliverance from ourselves

Anonymous,  12:32 am  

this is hilarious. studies show masturbation to be harmless

catwalq 4:38 am  

Story ni gbogbo iyen.
All na yarns!!!!!!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe 9:04 pm  

laughing my blooody ass off... they have got to be bloody kidding me...

Anonymous,  9:37 pm  

Maybe this is why I have not been published? Dayum. Need to quit, pronto!

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