Thursday, June 07, 2007

Obj's report card

PRESIDENTIAL EXIT CERTIFICATE

Name Aremu Matthew Okikiola Olusegun Obasanjo
Class Nigeria
Term 1st and 2nd terms
School Aso Presidential Villa
Graduation date May 29th, 2007

SUBJECT SCORE GRADE
1. Energy 2% F9
2. Agriculture 4% F9
3. Education 8% F9
4. Poverty Eradication 5% F9
5. Telecommunications 40% C5
6. Human Rights Abuses 100% A3
7. Globetrotting 150% A1
8. Fuel Price Hike 275% A1+
9. Reforms 40% C6
10. Fighting Corruption 15% F9
11. Transparency 0% F9
12. Accountability -75% F9
13. Credible Elections -50% F9
14. Crimefighting 10% F9
15. Women’s Affairs 200% A
16. Press freedom -43% F9
17. Freedom of speech 0% F9
18. Vindictiveness, generally boorish, 500% A
crass, unstatesmanlike
actions and utterances.

REMARKS Despite abysmal performance in most subjects, may not, under any circumstances, be allowed to repeat examinations, notwithstanding prior protracted effort to do so.
PERFOMANCE No comment.

SIGNED Nigerian citizens

(thanks OI for the email)

6 comments:

Anonymous,  3:29 p.m.  

If we are to be hoenst we would give him a higher grade for anti-corruption, why...because he is the only one whohas at least considered doignsomething about it!! Although he misused the EFCC the organization itself in the right hands will serve a good purpose!!

Then a B+ for Nigeria's debt cancellation!! The implications of that will be seen when we start incorporating more positive trade policies without the noose of the Paris and London club around our necks...

Anonymous Olu :)

The Pseudo-Independent 4:14 p.m.  

Think I love your ingenuity...now let me go read.

catwalq 7:25 p.m.  

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Buaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!

Professor Anonymous,  2:00 a.m.  

Professor's Notes
Student has failed woefully and cannot be promoted to the next class. Student should spend an extra semester (third term).

Signed
Professor Anonymous

Akin 10:34 a.m.  

Student has enrolled at the National Open University of Nigeria, he is doing a Post Graduate Diploma in Christian Theology - could he have met the entry requirements with that result?

Funmi Iyanda 11:20 p.m.  

clarification required. what is the criteria for evaluating women affairs or should the words be swapped around?
BTW student had difficulties getting to new school, 2 and hours of traffic between Otta and Lagos. Student must protest vehemently to the present government using those stupid journalists he so detests.

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